Inside Golf : Inside Golf January 2015
the 19th hole 74 January 2015 | www.insidegolf.com.au Larr y Canning firstname.lastname@example.org The 2014 Larry Awards Good evening and welcome to....(slight pause to get everyone excited)... The Larry Awards for 2014! This year’s awards will again see passion, emotion, disappointment and unbridled elation... and that’s just coming from my editor when I get this in on time. ( The “disappointment” will come when he reads it.) My first award is for a professional golfer in a leading role in something very bizarre during the year of 2014. Spain’s Pablo Larrazabal was just minding his own business walking down the 5th fairway during the Maybank Malaysian Masters when he was suddenly attacked by a swarm of very angry hornets. “ They were three times the size of bees,” Larrazabal said. “ They were huge and like 30 or 40 of them started to attack me big time. I didn’t know what to do. My caddie told me to run, so I start running like a crazy guy.” I can really relate to this. I once let it slip to my mother in law, her daughter and I might have had “relations” before we got married. I thought I was pretty quick, but for a middle- aged woman wearing an apron, she was bloody fast! Having played all around the world I can imagine Rory McIlroy would understand how Fescue, Blue Couch, Kakuyu or Zoysia (sounds like the name of Vladimir Putin’s dog), grass’ influence the flight of his pill. Based on what I saw at the Australian Golf Club I reckon it’s fair to say he hasn’t come across biodegradable mesh matting placed down to protect some thoughtfully planted native Australian plants. After taking a full blooded “Rory Rip” at his agate during the third round of the Australian open, all the world number one managed to do was shift it 1 inch vertically downwards. Rors had no choice but to fold back the mesh, find his naughty sphere and take it two club lengths to the left for punishment. That said, the “Larry” for bizarre-ness goes to Natalie Gulbis for just making another regular, yet near physically impossible golf swing. Nat is often referred to as the most beautiful woman professional playing the game but that motion looks like she lost her contact lens during her backswing and is desperately trying to find it on her downswing. My next award is given to the least professional behaviour by a professional during 2014. Nominations are – Phil Mickelson for his public drubbing of Tom Watson’s Ryder captaincy while sitting right there next to him in a media conference. Hey Philby, you do realise Tom Watson is not only an absolute legend of the game but he is also one of the nicest blokes ever to hit a golf ball? Could you ever imagine him doing that to you? In Australia, we take a bloke aside and talk to him one on one. Then we take it outside and try and belt the living daylights out of each other. R&A Chief Executive, Peter Dawson might have done a wonderful job with some other stuff but his misguided stance on banning long putters for the average punter has done more damage to the game than anything John daly has ever worn or consumed. When US PGA President Ted Bishop, was attempting to explain how many punters will be forced away from the game they love and that the US PGA were just trying to look after the best interests of golf, dawson responded with this little ripper – “ That’s our job, not yours.” Whilst theses nominations were in with a shot, “ The Larry” goes to US PGA Tour Player Patrick Reed. Amongst other things like shushing the fans at the Ryder Cup or forcing CBS commentator, Frank Nobilo to apologise for Reed’s language while live on air, it was Precious Pat’s new formula for the World Rankings that gets him over the line. After winning a second event in America, Pat announced he was one of the top five players in the world. Aaaah Pat, there is actually a formula already and it’s based on how you perform in other countries and things called “Majors”. That’s why you have players like Rory McIlroy, Adam Scott, Bubba Watson, Justin Rose and Sergio Garcia in there. You are, however, in the top 5 for wankers. Finally “ The Larry” for the golfer I love the most for 2014. I know I might be seen as being unfaithful to Adam Scott whom I adored for the 2013... but that’s what happens when you just go and get married without any thought of how it’s going to affect your closest friends.... Jordan Spieth would have to be one of the most engaging and unaffected superstars I’ve met, so Jordan.... This one’s for you. Happy New Year, Golf Nuts! • African Adventures THE SOUTH AFRICAN GOLF AND GAME SPECIALISTS Golf and Game Tour 2015 September 17th – October 3rd 2015 THE TOUR (excerpt) • 1 Night D’Oreale Grande at Emperors Palace, Johannesburg and welcome cocktail party. • 3 Nights at both &Beyond Phinda and &Beyond Kirkman’s Kamp – 12 Game drives. • 2 Nights at Fairmont Zimbali Resort. • 3 Nights at Fancourt Resort. • 4 Nights at the Cape Grace Hotel, Cape Town. • 5 Games of golf at Zimbali, Fancourt – Links and Montagu, Pezula and Pearl Valley. BOOKINGS AND INFORMATION Lucy: 0411 592 300 | Bob: 0411 706 840 email@example.com .au www.lucystanton.com.au/2015 16 NIGHTS / 17 DAyS ALL INCLUSIVE A$ 12,260 per person sharing ex Johannesburg Single Supplement on request. Australian golfing legend Bob Stanton and wife Lucy specialise in South African golf tours and after sold out 2013 and 2014 tours are pleased to present this 2015 tour for a small group of 12 couples / 24 guests.
Inside Golf Dec 14
Inside Golf February 2015